by Guest | Feb 22, 2023 | Being Well
February is all about love since the major holiday is Valentine’s Day. The focus is often about showing that special someone how you feel about them. But what about the relationship you have with yourself? How much love and kindness do you show yourself?
First, let’s define the difference between self-care and self-love, as these terms are often used interchangeably yet are actually different. While self-care and self-love are both classified as nouns, self-care is about the actions we take to show ourselves care and regard while self-love is defined as the “regard for one’s own happiness”, accepting ourselves fully, and treating ourselves with kindness. Both are essential, and you cannot have one without the other, yet self-care is action oriented and self-love is rooted in thoughts and feelings. Self-care is everything from brushing your teeth and good sleep hygiene to massages, pedicures, and other indulgences or pampering. Self-love is the inner and outer dialogue we have with and about ourselves, how we treat ourselves compared to others, and how we then allow others to treat us.
When you have love for yourself it means you have an overall positive view of yourself. It does not mean you are selfish, vain, or narcissistic, despite what some may believe. Self-love does not keep you from loving others or having empathy, it simply means that you treat yourself with the same love and kindness you would show others and do not prioritize them to your own detriment. It does not mean you think you are above making mistakes or having flaws, yet you still love yourself regardless of any imperfections.
Self-love does not mean you never have unpleasant feelings towards yourself either. That would be nearly impossible as we are human and experience a vast range of emotions. Yet when you have love for yourself, navigating more difficult or uncomfortable emotions becomes easier. In fact, in Emotional Freedom Techniques, an evidenced based modality used to help with emotional regulation and also known as EFT or tapping, the set up phrases end with “and I love and accept myself fully”. This helps build and strengthen neural pathways that support self-love and self-acceptance by “tricking” the brain into feeling more self-love.
Self-love also means that you do not sacrifice your own well-being for that of another. When you do not love yourself, you become susceptible to abuse, boundary violations, and manipulation. You stop practicing habits that promote or sustain good health. You speak to yourself in an unkind and negative way that erodes your self-esteem or causes you to be a people pleaser or perfectionist. You may make riskier choices or put yourself in harm’s way. Typically, if you do not have self-love, then you do not have a healthy self-care practice either. This may mean you are not eating healthy, getting good sleep, going to the doctor, paying bills on time, developing healthy and safe relationships, etc.. This is where self-care and self-love overlap. The better your self-love is, the better your self-care practice is and vice versa.
Self-love is also essential for us to build healthy relationships with others, pursue our bigger goals and dreams, and live a more fulfilling, vibrant life.
How do you begin to build a self-love practice?
Become aware of the messages you tell yourself, interrupt the negative ones, and begin to replace them with more loving, kind thoughts. EFT is a great tool for this and so are sticky notes with affirmations or kind messages placed where you can see them. Practice forgiveness and gratitude toward yourself. Put your needs first on your list and speak up about what you need, including asking for help. Set boundaries and know your core values. Honor your emotions and celebrate your strengths and wins(especially the little ones we often overlook, adulting is hard, some days putting on pants is a win). Have realistic expectations of yourself and let go of what you cannot control. Give yourself grace and compassion. And most importantly, build a sustainable self-care practice that allows and encourages you to take care of your whole self.
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” – Rupi Kaur
AUTHOR: Amanda Ferrat, Founder of Value Yourself Counseling LLC and Certified Advanced EFT Practitioner & Wellness Counselor
by Guest | Feb 8, 2023 | Being Well
When we think of healthy relationships, especially around Valentine’s Day, our thoughts often go to dating or marriage. We know it isn’t always hearts and roses when it comes to relationships. It can be a lot of hard work and it doesn’t always work. It might surprise us to know that the health of our adult relationships ties back to the earliest stages of life.
Long-standing research has shown that secure bonds of attachment between a baby and its caregiver play a significant role in a child’s development. In one study, researchers observed mother rats who licked their baby rats, a form of maternal bonding. Those babies had higher levels of serotonin (a feel-good hormone) than baby rats who did not get slobbery kisses from their moms. Even more interesting, the pups licked by the mother experienced functional changes in their DNA; changes that altered how their brains and bodies responded to stress.
Former California Surgeon General, Nadine Burke-Harris, explains the rat experiment in her book, The Deepest Well, to highlight how positive, early life experiences impact the brain’s ability to tolerate stress and manage emotions. Going back to our rat families, researchers were amazed to discover that even if baby rats were exposed to significant stress and trauma, if they had that bonding experience, they were less affected by it than rats without the stressful environment and no maternal bonding.
What does the rat experiment have to do with having healthy adult relationships? People who don’t experience secure attachment during early stages of development tend to devote more energy to managing their emotions or protecting themselves emotionally, rather than using their energy to explore, learn and safely interact with others. Having the ability to recognize and manage our own emotional states and co-regulate those with other people is key to having healthy relationships. Along with having empathy, these are the basic qualities of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), which is also tied to greater academic and job success in life.
When early, secure attachment doesn’t occur, other positive experiences can help fill the gap. Consistent, nurturing experiences in childcare and preschool environments and with extended family, neighbors and other community connections contribute to “licking our pups” and, thus, play a large role in helping kids build resilience and the foundation for strong and healthy relationships.
School bus drivers, teachers, staff, and counselors who interact with kids daily are often serving in these roles. We are fortunate to have trauma-informed educators and staff in Tillamook County, who understand and utilize these practices. We teach children the ABCs so they can learn to read and write. Increasingly, schools are integrating Social-Emotional Learning (SEL) to guide kids’ understanding of how emotions drive their thinking and behavior. Early bonding and attachment are the ideal, but it is only one opportunity to support raising healthy and resilient humans.
Every community touchpoint matters. Programs such as Scouts, 4-H, youth sports and other positive outlets for kids, not only put them with nurturing mentors and coaches but also help them develop essential skills for managing emotions and working together with others. By the way, those programs are always looking for volunteers (hint, hint).
If we are struggling with maintaining healthy relationships, there is help and hope. Tillamook Family Counseling Center, along with all our local medical providers offer counseling. Tides of Change is a valuable resource for people who have experienced or are experiencing intimate partner violence or domestic abuse.
It’s also important to remember that you are the only person you will be with your whole life. The healthiest relationship begins with us. We need to treat ourselves the way we would counsel a friend, with compassion, patience, and love.
References: Burke-Harris, N. (2020). The Deepest Well. Pan Macmillan.
AUTHOR: Michelle Jenck, Adventist Health Tillamook Director of Community Well-Being
Other wellness questions? Email us at info@tillamookcountywellness.org. For more local health and wellness information, visit www.tillamookcountywellness.org or follow Tillamook County Wellness on Facebook and Instagram.
by Guest | Jan 25, 2023 | Being Well
Taking the first step is often the most difficult part of starting any new journey. For those of us living with prediabetes, it is also a critical decision that may protect us from the emotional, medical, and financial challenges of developing type 2 diabetes. The National Diabetes Prevention Program (NDPP) offered by lifestyle coaches here at the Tillamook Family YMCA is a free program designed to provide the health education and group support for lasting lifestyle changes that can help reverse prediabetes.
Earlier this month, Kelly Benson and Shannon Ayers from the YMCA spoke on KTIL’s Tillamook Today about the next cohort of the NDPP program starting up in February. Kelly has been leading NDPP since 2018 and always looks forward to providing the support and space for folks to identify and work toward their individual goals. The NDPP class covers topics around nutrition and exercise, but its main focus is to help individuals find ideas and routines that work best for them. One of the biggest benefits of the NDPP class is the group support and knowing that there are others going through the same process and facing similar challenges. Kelly pointed out that although the class eventually drops to every other week attendance, participants often want to continue meeting weekly because the group connections and accountability are helpful motivators.
For Shannon Ayers, the idea that the NDPP class can be life-changing is an experience she understands personally. Although she currently works as a fitness instructor at the Y and recently received her personal trainer certification, this is a drastic shift from her life a few years ago: “When covid hit, I was at rock bottom with my health. I was close to 300 pounds, and I suffered from a lot of sciatic back pain and the last blood work I had with my doctor showed I was in the prediabetes range, very close to being diabetic. There’s a very strong genetic component in my family and I knew I was in big trouble.”
She started with a flexibility class that helped ease her back pain and open the door for more movement. As COVID-19 restrictions lifted, Shannon looked into the Tillamook Family YMCA and found the NDPP class “which changed everything.” Since completing this year long program, her blood sugar (A1C) levels have dropped all the way back to a normal range and she has found that almost every aspect of her life has improved, from her knee pain to her sleep schedule to her personal relationships. When asked what she would tell others who are considering a program like NDPP, she responded: “Do it now. You can wait for a little longer and things are going to get worse and eventually the choice will be made for you.”
The 2023 NDPP cohort will meet on Thursday, February 23rd from 5:30 to 6:30 pm at the YMCA. NDPP is a completely free year-long program that meets once a week for the first 16 weeks and then shifts to every other week for the rest of the year. The YMCA will also be offering a free Chronic Disease Self-Management program starting on Wednesday, March 1st at 5:30 pm for anyone managing any chronic disease (such as diabetes, arthritis, chronic pain, heart disease, and others). If you’re interested in joining either of these programs, contact Kelly Benson at 503-842-9622 ext 111 at the YMCA to register.
by Guest | Jan 11, 2023 | Being Well
What brings you joy and fulfillment? Is it your family, job, faith, or a volunteer activity? Or maybe it is a hobby like music, art, woodworking, gardening, yoga, or hiking. It might surprise us to know that what gives our life meaning can also help us live longer. When we do tasks and activities that tap into our unique gifts, it brings us a deep sense of joy and satisfaction, but we rarely stop to think about where that comes from. What exactly are we tapping into that brings about these feelings?
When we get lost in an activity, when we are overcome with emotion looking at a baby or feel a sense of awe and wonder looking up at a starry night sky, we may realize there is something beyond ourselves and our own experiences. Practicing intentional awareness of these sensations and how they give us a deeper sense of meaning and purpose is correlated with living longer, healthier lives. This can happen in the context of a faith-based practice, through our relationships with others, or by spending time in nature. It is important to note that it does not have to be through an organized religion and these practices may not be readily accessible to everyone, depending on a person’s life experiences.
Research tells us that people who have a regular spiritual practice, such as mindfulness, prayer, meditation, or participating in a faith community, are significantly healthier, living as many as 4 to 14 years longer than those who do not. According to numerous studies, spirituality is associated with improved overall health, better recovery from illness (including cancer), and is even a protective factor against disease.
What is a spiritual practice?
Spirituality, faith and religion are often used interchangeably, but they mean different things to different people. The common thread connected to better health is a regular habit of experiencing the sense that we are part of something greater. For some it can best be explained or understood in nature or in our relationships with one another. For others, this is a divinely ordered universe with a creator. Regardless, it is what gives our lives purpose and meaning. When we are living our lives in this way, we are more grateful, have greater life satisfaction and we are more resilient to the challenges and hardships we experience throughout life.
The connection between spirituality and health
Mounting research shows consistent positive associations between spiritual or religious practice and health and longevity. The correlation is so strong it led Harvard researchers to conclude, “Spirituality should be incorporated into care for both serious illness and overall health.” A study from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) indicates that having a consistent spiritual practice affects immune function, hormones, psychological functions and can prevent social isolation and increase healthy behaviors. The research is compelling and yet not often discussed in the context of public health or western medicine. There is a growing call to change that.
Many spiritual practices, such as mindfulness and faith traditions, have been around for centuries, some for thousands of years. The endurance of these traditions is a testament that they fulfill a need in many people’s lives. Things that work stand the test of time, after all. It is important to consider, however, that what works within these practices is that they orient us to the sense that there is something greater, beyond our earthly existence, beyond our individual needs and desires, that connects all of us to a sense of appreciation, belonging, and greater understanding. This is the common thread to which spiritual practices point. It is the essence of what new research on spirituality is telling us keeps us healthy and helps us attain better health outcomes when we are sick. When we live our lives with a deeper sense of purpose and meaning, we tap into something beyond ourselves, giving us hope and inspiration.
How to start a spiritual practice
Starting any new practice can be challenging, especially if past experiences have not been positive. It is important to explore what is right for you. It could be joining (or rejoining) a faith community, journaling, meditation, art, or spending dedicated time in nature. Keep in mind that spirituality goes far beyond organized religion (though that structure and tradition works well for some) and can include anything that fills you with a sense of purpose and belonging, including a spiritual network, close-knit social group, volunteering or individual practice. Think about what gives you purpose and try to dedicate just a little bit of time to it every week.
AUTHOR: Michelle Jenck, Adventist Health Tillamook Director of Community Well-Being
Sources:
Religious involvement, spirituality, and medicine: Implications for clinical practice by Mueller, Plevak, & Rummans
Spirituality, religiosity, aging and health in global perspective: A review by Zachary Zimmer
Spirituality linked with better health outcomes, patient care by Harvard School of Public Health
Religious involvement, spirituality, and medicine: implications for clinical practice by PS Mueller
More Americans now say they’re spiritual but not religious by Michael Lipka & Claire Gecewicz
Implications for public health of the religiosity-longevity relation by Marcelo Saad & Roberta de Medeiros
Other wellness questions? Email us at info@tillamookcountywellness.org. For more local health and wellness information, visit www.tillamookcountywellness.org or follow Tillamook County Wellness on Facebook and Instagram.
by Guest | Dec 28, 2022 | Being Well
Gratitude is a word we hear often from November through the holiday season. But what does it really mean, how does it impact our health and well-being, and how do we show more gratitude?
Gratitude is defined by Merriam-Webster’s dictionary as “the state of being grateful, thankfulness”. This points to gratitude being more of a passing emotion or state. Yet there are those that view gratitude as something you develop as an attitude or practice. Researcher and vulnerability expert Brene Brown says practicing gratitude is the key to cultivating joy. Her research has shown that those who are living a joyful life have achieved that joy through having a gratitude practice.
There are health benefits to practicing gratitude as well. It can help you have better sleep and last month’s article taught us why sleep is so important when it comes to our health and diabetes. There is research showing that if you focus on positive, grateful thoughts before going to bed, you will have deeper sleep and sleep longer. Start saying a few things you are grateful for before you go to bed and watch your sleep improve.
It can also improve your physical and mental health. Positive thinking and practicing gratitude have been shown through neuroscience research to reduce anxiety and depression. It also helps increase motivation to engage in physical activity and can reduce inflammation and fatigue. This can then decrease risks for heart failure and other illnesses. Gratitude also affects the part of the brain where we produce dopamine so gratitude literally will give you and your brain a dopamine hit.
Practicing gratitude can also improve your relationships and your self-esteem. In the research, they found that the parts of the brain that light up and are activated when practicing gratitude are the same parts of the brain associated with moral and social cognition, reward, empathy, and value judgment. Therefore, the emotion of gratitude supports a positive and supportive attitude toward others.
And it can also help you develop greater self-care practices. By adopting a more positive and grateful attitude, you will begin to show yourself more care and prioritize doing things that continue to improve your health and well-being. These are all great reasons to develop a gratitude practice.
How does one develop a gratitude practice? Create a practice of journaling about what you are grateful for each day. This may be easiest to do either in the morning before your day gets busy or at night before you go to bed. Or if you are ambitious, you can do both! Another fun idea is to write down 1-3 things each day that you are grateful for on slips of paper and then put them into a jar. At the end of the year, or when you are needing some joy, you can pull the slips out and read them, reminding yourself of all the things you are grateful for. Tell people what you appreciate about them when you have the chance. You could write a letter to a friend, send them a voice memo or text, or compliment a stranger on what they are wearing. Make it a point to tell at least one person each day something about them you like, appreciate or enjoy. Share the gratitude and watch them light up and also get your own dopamine hit. And most importantly, get in the habit of telling yourself what you are grateful for and appreciate about yourself. This one can be more difficult, especially if you are struggling with your health. You may feel like you do not have much to be grateful for. Yet I encourage you to try, you can start small. You can do this while looking in the mirror, acknowledge something you like about yourself. Or when you’ve accomplished a task, celebrate yourself. The more positive thinking and gratitude you can show yourself and others, the better. The very best part about practicing gratitude is that it is FREE, yet its impact is priceless!
AUTHOR: Amanda Ferrat, Certified Wellness Counselor and Advanced EFT Practitioner, Founder of Value Yourself Consulting
Other wellness questions? Email us at info@tillamookcountywellness.org. For more local health and wellness information, visit www.tillamookcountywellness.org or follow Tillamook County Wellness on Facebook and Instagram.
by Guest | Dec 7, 2022 | Being Well
The most wonderful time of the year is known to prompt joy, but the reality is that it may invoke stress as well. While this season is often associated with sentiments of love and happiness, for some people, unpleasant feelings or memories may be sparked as well. From Thanksgiving preparations until we ring in the New Year, self-care is essential to protect yourself from the holiday blues.
During the holiday season, it’s common to experience an increase in your social and family calendar but taking some time out for self-care is a gift that you can give to yourself and a practice that you can share with your family members as well. Some of the members of our health promotions team have shared a few ways that they use to practice self-care.
“Spending time with friends and family during the holidays is wonderful, but it can also be a whirlwind of activity. The gift of self-care I try to focus on is spending a little time each day walking or stretching to decompress. I’ve found that the little bit of movement or fresh air always helps organize my thoughts and boost my mood, even if it’s just a quick 10-minute break. I always feel a little lighter and a little more energized.” — Ariel Slifka, Public Health Program Representative, Tillamook County Community Health Centers
“I would say the greatest gift I give to myself is sleep. I used to stay up late and struggled to get up every morning. During those years I felt rundown and frequently battled colds and strep throat. Over many years, I worked to create a consistent sleep routine. Most nights I am asleep by 9:30 p.m. and I wake up every day at 5 a.m., even on weekends. I also started taking a vitamin D supplement. My sleep routine and taking vitamin D give me consistent energy to do the things I enjoy.” — Michelle Jenck, Director of Community Wellbeing, Adventist Health
“The two health-related gifts that I gave myself this past year was to take more walks and to be more consistent with my sleep routine. For me, the walks have been an enjoyable way to stay active even when my days are too busy to get a workout in. The second gift I gave myself was to be more consistent with my sleep routine. Having a consistent sleep routine has allowed me to feel well-rested each day.” — Janeane Krongos, Prevention Coordinator, Tillamook Family Counseling Center
“My daily self-care ‘reminder’ just came in my office, he’s a two-year old chocolate lab named Boon. Since I spend most of my day in front of a screen, I make sure that I get up and stretch, move and give my brain, eyes and body a break. And Boon is always ready to go outside for a walk. If you don’t have a Boon (which means blessing) – just set a timer to remind yourself that it’s time for a break at least once an hour for 5-10 minutes. It makes a world of difference at the end of the day – for your body, mind and spirit.” – Laura Swanson, Editor/Partner, Tillamook County Pioneer
“During the holidays, one of the greatest self-care gifts I give myself is the commitment to be adventurous, and to step outside of the norm of my day-to-day routine. I find great joy in spontaneity and trying new things: picking out an ingredient I’ve never used before and finding a recipe, traveling to a new park or hiking trail to explore, or picking up a new hobby. New experiences make life interesting and foster greater emotional health. What am I going to try this year? I’m going to attempt to make my own cheese, learn how to roller blade, and explore new genres of music.” – Lewis Martin, Nutritional Director, Oregon Dairy and Nutrition Council
AUTHOR: Patti Atkins, APR, Communications Consultant, Tillamook County Community Health Centers
Other wellness questions? Email us at info@tillamookcountywellness.org. For more local health and wellness information, visit www.tillamookcountywellness.org or follow Tillamook County Wellness on Facebook and Instagram.
