by Guest | Jul 5, 2016 | Being Well
By Nathan Rogers
I am what most would consider a kind person — reasonable and compassionate. Some might even say I am caring. I have the privilege of getting to go to work and serve vets every day whether it be a simple conversation over the phone, a face to face meeting in my office, or the rare honor of being trusted in their home. I hate to say it that even in my capacity I have been prone to allowing stigma and stereotypes at times steer my thought process and opinions. These thoughts were especially prevalent when considering the homeless community.
You have all seen them. They are out there with their signs. Some read “will work for food,” ”hungry need help,” “can you spare a few dollars…car broke down.” I used to be that guy thinking to myself that they must have done something bad to end up in their current situation. Perhaps they had a drug addiction. Maybe they had a drinking problem? Perhaps they were the “weak, lame, and lazy” just not wanting to get a job. For some reason, karma was dealing them this hand. You need only hear their story and really listen to change your heart and your mind.
It wasn’t any particular manner of special day in January, perhaps a little warmer than usual but not anything you would expect to change your life. I was heading to Lincoln City to meet with a good friend and his group of vets and talk about the company I work for and the program we provide. I was excited and irritated at the same time because traffic was difficult and I was being inconvenienced by slow moving vehicles. As I moved through Lincoln City, I caught a brief glimpse of a shopping cart flying both an Army and an American Flag…I instantly knew that had to be a veteran. As per my usual I veered over to investigate and see if he/she was okay. As I pulled up there was a veteran sleeping in a sleeping bag on a tarp in just the perfect dry spot with a bit of sun. I departed with the intent to return with some food and quietly leave it by him. Little did I know this was going to be a chance encounter that would completely change my paradigm of thought and bolster my passion for what I do.
I had gotten a meager meal for him, a bag of McDonald’s cheeseburgers and chicken sandwiches. As I pulled back around the building he was up and had all of his gear already stored in his ruck sack and placed neatly in his cart. I rolled down my window and offered him the bag of food, and not only did he take it but insisted I sit and stay for a bit. I parked my car and after a firm handshake, he introduced himself as Jeffrey. His hair was neatly combed, he was physically fit, and surprisingly well-spoken. He thanked me for the food and insisted I “break meal with him as a brother”.
We began to talk and he told me he had been an infantry officer in the Gulf War and had the rank of Captain. He had gone to an Ivy League school for Political and Military Science and had a Master’s degree. He told me how he used to be in senior management at a lumber distributor. He told me he missed his wife and children…he wondered what they looked like now and if they still thought of him. His infectious laughter and smile dwindled into a stoic and contemplative face. A long silence passed. He mused about old buddies and his “better” military days…he wished he could go back to something that made sense.
Jeffrey became quiet and his eyes welled up. He said “I have not always been like this you know, but life has a way of humbling you and bringing you back to Earth”…”The divorce came out of left field; I thought we were happy”. He told me how he started dreaming about a close friend he had lost in the military and it had drove him to drink. “Losing a friend is sad,” he said “Losing a brother…that will change your life.” He blamed himself for not “being there.” Jeffrey had not only lost a close friend to PTSD related suicide but also discovered the body of his friend…he never got over it. The trauma drove his drinking, his bad dreams, and created a gradual rift in his marriage. He said at first he fought with his wife of 19 years, then he didn’t care, then he ceased to exist to his family altogether as he crawled into the bottle and escaped into depression and defeatism. The last thing he told me was “I signed the papers and gave them everything…they were better off without me.” Now he lives on the street so he can be left alone and so he can leave others alone.
“Well I gotta be going,” Jeffrey said as he hurriedly departed. I was curious about this pressing engagement causing the need of a hasty evac but in the interest of intuition I left him to his business. No sooner had he come into my life than he departed. It was the strangest thing. He simply gathered his things, shook my hand, and left. There I sat, my perception of the homeless completely shattered. Here was someone that had it all, a family, an education, and a lucrative job — torn asunder by his PTSD and bad memories. It wasn’t Karma, he wasn’t evil, he wasn’t weak, lame, or lazy … life just happened. He wasn’t asking for a handout or a hand up, nor did he demand my respect or approval. To this day, I can see his face and hear his story ring out in my head. Perhaps you have had the idea that a homeless shelter will drive down your property value or “they” might inconvenience you. Maybe you have quietly thought “not in my backyard”. Just remember they are people, and just like you they have a story. Take a minute to listen, it could change your mind maybe even your heart. Until then may you stay blessed and Semper Fidelis.
by Guest | Jun 23, 2016 | Being Well
By Dr. Rea Scovill
When you try to find peace as you go through your days, there’s a simple way to approach your overwhelmed self. Think about how you’d care for a young child who felt the way you do. When a small child cries with frustration, hurt or disappointment, here are a few things a parent must do: comfort him by expressing sadness for how he feels (“I’m sorry you feel so bad”); respect his right to feel as he does (it’s okay to be upset); guide him to break away from the situation in some way “let’s go over here and feed the ducks some bread”); and once he’s calm, help him to review the situation for how he could cope with it better the next time (“next time what could you try that might work better?”)
People say you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. How about saying instead that you have to know how to take care of yourself first? It’s easier to define what that would look like. If you’ve worked hard on a project but kept running into problems, you probably won’t throw things across the room. But you may feel like it. If you‘ve looked forward to meeting up with a friend and she cancels at the last minute, you probably won’t cry. But you may feel let down and disappointed, even if you understand why she couldn’t come. Dale Carnegie said that, “The deepest principle of human nature is the craving to be appreciated.” If you deserve recognition, but don’t get it too many times, it’s human to feel very deeply hurt. When you have these reactions, you’re not weak, you’re just human.
For your own times of frustration, disappointment or hurt, take the same approach a wise parent would take with a child. Employ your Executive Brain to comfort your child-self like this: “Of course you feel bad; anyone would. Sometimes there’s just too much to handle. Let’s take a little walk and clear our head. Then maybe we can figure out what to do next.” Check yourself for these feelings often to manage your inner child with its Monkey and Crocodile fight-or-flight tendencies. If you try to “tough it out” by scolding yourself for these human feelings, they’ll build up and eventually overwhelm your wise and comforting Executive Brain.
When you can thoughtfully review what happened and plan for how to cope better the next time, you improve your sense of confidence and feelings of worth. If you blame yourself, you’ll feel more hurt and alone with your problems, just like a crying child who’s scolded for expressing her feelings. Because we have our human brain, when we’re frustrated we must accept and comfort ourselves for our natural feelings, then rest a little, to prepare our brains for learning from the situation. In this way our mental fitness grows stronger to help us get less upset over the next potholes on our journey.
by Guest | May 30, 2016 | Being Well, Work Well
By Rea Anne Scovill, Ph.D.
When is mental fitness most crucial? When we tackle parenting. Let’s consider it as applied for this. In the olden days parents were often advised to count to ten before they responded to their kids. That was brilliant! It often allowed time for their Executive Brain (EB) to engage and calm their over-reactive Monkey Brain (MB). The EB could remind the MB that a child’s behavior isn’t life threatening (for parent or child) unless s/he’s running in front of a car. If s/he sasses a parent, spills milk at the table again, refuses to do homework or hits another child, calm responses work better. A parent’s MB may chant that another careless or defiant incident is intolerable, but that’s not true.
Parents can and must tolerate lots of these as they help each child manage without a fully developed EB. Our brains develop gradually, continuing the process until we’re at least twenty-five. Another old saying is that kids learn more by what you do than by what you say. That may be the main reason parenting is so tough. If no one’s shown you how to lead with your EB for yourself, how can you do it for your kids?
You can begin here with the FORMULA for how to develop mental fitness. F is for Focus; focus inward with your Executive Brain, and O, Observe what the Monkey Brain is saying in case this needs to be R, Revised. M is for doing this Monitoring continually to Maintain your Executive Brain’s leadership. U is for Using feedback from your body (tensing, increased heart rate or temperature, stomach tightness, etc.) to note when your Crocodile Brain (CB) has begun to trigger fight-or-flight. Doing this can give your EB a warning that it will soon get overwhelmed with MB chatter if it doesn’t step in to correct it.
L is for Lightening your Inner Child’s heart by providing for yourself things you enjoy doing, that calm and support you, frequently. Take a break to visit, meditate, read for fun, shop or have a restoring snack. This skill is required for demonstrating to, not just telling your MB and CB that fight-or-flight is really not needed. It’s not selfish pampering. Your kids need your self-care example, deeper calm and guidance from your recharged Executive Brain. A is for Applying this FORMULA process continually when alone or relating to others for building your mental fitness. You can learn more through resources recommended in the coming months, like workshops, videos, books, and speakers featured by YOW at www.tillamookcountyhealthmatters.com/events and at my website, www.mentalfitnessformula.com.
Our next article will focus on overall good self-care. In addition to managing the MB and CB, your Executive Brain must also Focus on and Observe the outer world. Fight-or-flight responses are created by the mind through the body. Your EB needs both to be well-tuned to keep you functioning effectively and without feeling stressed when you cope with life.
by Guest | May 18, 2016 | Being Well
By Rea Anne Scovill, Ph.D.
Last week I described how our brains prepare our bodies to fight or flee, when the problem can’t be solved that way. When dealing with another person, unless they’re brandishing a knife or pointing a gun at us, these wired-in responses just get in the way. One trigger is when we encounter people whose behavior differs from what the dominant group around us finds acceptable. We can feel embarrassed ourselves or shun and even bully others when our groups’ behavioral expectations aren’t met. Media reports blast us with news of violent fight-or-flight reactions when people refuse to accept cultural, gender-related and other differences between groups. These occur when mental fitness has broken down among large groups of people.
How can our Executive Brain (EB) prevent us from getting into these wired-in, no-longer helpful reactions when we encounter people with behavior that disturbs us? Our EB must step in quickly to stop the chemistry of fight-or-flight from flooding it. Only then can it lead us to choose our best response. Our EB needs the chance to evaluate all relevant information carefully, with the open mind of a scientist, before it makes its choices. When we can maintain this EB capacity to approach new people and experiences with our EB fully in charge, we’re well on the road to mental fitness.
Scientists offer the EB a shortcut when they identify a trait as opposed to a person’s state of mind. We understand that traits like intelligence (IQ) or height are wired-in and resistant to change. There are also personality traits that involve behavior that is resistance to change. When someone’s in a state (of mind), upset, calm, etc., they’re better able to control and change their behavior. Before we’re critical of someone’s behavior (impulsivity, absent-mindedness, emotional reactivity) we need to consider that it may reflect a trait and be harder for them to change, than it would be for us. Our mentally fit EB will also recognize that even behavior that’s not wired-in, like cultural differences, must be respected for positive relationships. Judging and shunning or bullying are variations of fight-or-flight which reflect inadequate EB self-management.
One example of a trait is defined in Sensitive: The Untold Story, a video you can see this Saturday. It’s also available through Elaine Aron’s website, www.hsperson.com , along with a self-test you can take. Since 1996, through her book, The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You, Aron has provided comforting and helpful information about this “HSP” trait, now called sensory processing sensitivity. If you (or someone you love) struggle with anxiety (including social anxiety) or depression, feel like you don’t fit in, or feel stressed out a lot, you should check it out. You’ll also discover that HSPs are conscientious, very compassionate, appreciative of beauty and creative. As an HSP herself, Elaine Aron developed this video to help people around the world recognize and work better with HSPs’ weaknesses in order to support fuller expression of their strengths, which she believes our troubled world needs.
by Guest | May 18, 2016 | Being Well, Work Well
By Rea Scovill, Ph.D.
Fight-or-flight responses are reactions to danger, particularly life-threatening danger. They include: for fight, angry speech and physical or written confrontation; for flight, leaving the situation physically or through mental distancing and other forms of avoidance. They originated in early stages of human development, when life-and-death situations were frequent. At some point our fight-or-flight responses expanded from situations where our life’s at stake to situations where we just feel stressed.
This means that today, when our lives are rarely threatened, disturbing fight-or-flight impulses can occur many times a day. When we lose our keys, feel upset with another person or worry about something, our bodies may be triggered into action. A tense jaw or fist, upset stomach and racing thoughts offer nothing useful to cope with these events. In fact they interfere. For mental fitness, or even mental health, we must clearly grasp this fact.
Once we do grasp it, our brain will struggle to remember it from moment-to-moment. We may detect inner chatter that insists we can’t stand it when we lose our keys, etc. When upset with other people we might say we must have another person’s approval, or someone really deserves to be punished, or it’s unbearable when we don’t get rewarded for working hard. These extreme inner comments often trigger our fight-or-flight response. We need to learn how to stop all this by saying something like, “chill now, this is not about life or death, it’s just disappointing, annoying, hurtful, etc.” That would be the truth, and that would open us to the freedom of mental fitness. This seems so simple; why do we find it so hard?
For mental fitness you don’t need to learn the names of specific brain parts, though the brain is very interesting. You do need enough understanding to prevent frequent disruptive over-reactions. Here’s what you need to know about your brain to start. The first brain area is the frontal lobe, often called the Executive Brain. It functions as the director and manager of your being. It chose to read this article. It’s also supposed to advise the rest of your brain when fight-or-flight isn’t needed.
However, your Executive Brain can’t do this when it’s overwhelmed by your other brain parts. I call the second part the Monkey Brain because it’s similar to other mammal’s brains. It receives, processes and stores data from your senses and your Executive Brain. Its focus is to identify anything that it considers dangerous enough to require a fight-or-flight response. Once something appears threatening, it signals the third part, that I call the Crocodile brain, because it’s similar to a reptile’s brain. As it’s signaled, the Crocodile brain begins to trigger your body into action.
Your Executive Brain has to interrupt your Monkey Brain with reality checks all day long every day. Otherwise you’ll find yourself in one stage or another of fight-or-flight too often. Our next article will describe how 15-20% of us are wired to have these reactions more often and with more intensity than the rest of us. Our Executive Brain must take brain differences into account before we can relate to others with fairness and compassion.
by Guest | May 15, 2016 | Being Well, Work Well
May 16 – 21 National Prevention Week
National Prevention Week is an annual health observance dedicated to increasing public awareness of, and action around, mental health and/or substance use. The overall theme for 2016 is “Strong As One. Stronger Together.” Explore the National Prevention Week website at http://www.samhsa.gov/prevention-week to learn more about how you can get involved, from planning a community event to participating in the “I Choose” Project.
The “I Choose” Project is an easy way to make a difference, be a positive example, and inspire others. Participating is easy – take a photograph of yourself holding a sign with your personal message about why substance abuse prevention or mental health is important to you. For example, you could write — “I choose prevention because I want to be healthy and happy.” Or you could include “I choose treatment…” or another “I choose” statement, such as “I choose not to give up because things do get better.” Send your photo to newmedia@samhsa.hhs.gov. In the email, also include: name(s) of people in the photo, organization (if applicable), state or territory, ZIP code, and the “I Choose” message displayed in the photo. After receiving your submission, SAMHSA will review and post your photo “I Choose” photo gallery at http://tinyurl.com/hb28qkf.
During National Prevention Week, watch for special information each day about prevention efforts, information and resources for a particular subject area:
Monday May 16– Tobacco
Tuesday May 17– Underage drinking and alcohol abuse
Wednesday May 18 – Opioid and prescription drug abuse
Thursday May 19 – Illicit drug use and youth marijuana
Friday May 20 – Suicide
Saturday May 21 – Mental health and wellness focus
Here in Tillamook County for the Year of Wellness, Dr. Rea Scovill will be conducting a two-part workshop call “Stress busting, self-care and mental fitness” – at the Tillamook Library on May 19 and 26 from 5:30 to 7 p.m.; and in South County at Nestucca Jr/Sr. High on May 18 and 25 – from 6 to 7:30 p.m. This two-part workshop offers nine tools to help reduce stress and enjoy better health.
Develop a personal “workbook” to help you use the tools at home.
On Saturday May 21st, Dr. Scovill will present a screening of the video “Sensitive: The Untold Story” at Nestucca Jr/Sr. High Library from 10 a.m. to Noon, then at the Tillamook Library in the Copeland Room from 2 to 4 p.m. One in five people are highly sensitive, which can impact their relationships and perception of themselves and others — Join us for a screening of this important video that raises awareness and helps us to develop an understanding about highly sensitive people and the gifts that often accompany these challenges.
On May 18th, the Alzheimer’s Association brings an informative talk to the Tillamook County Main Library on Late Stage Dementia, in the Hatfield Room from 12:30 to 3:30 p.m.
There are so many ways to participate in the Year of Wellness – the online challenge is just part of YOW. You can always join in – attend a workshop, event, speakers, recipes in the Headlight-Herald and online. Visit a YOW Monthly Mover to enter the monthly raffles for a $25.00 Visa gift card and other special offers – Spa Manzanita and Roby’s Women’s Fitness Center are the locations in May. All challenge participants were entered into a drawing for a variety of prizes. Be sure you are in for Session #2. Sign-up today! Go to tillamookcountyhealthmatters.org, or visit your local library branch for a print booklet and more information.
We ALL win when everyone is in – it’s easy and fun. YOW focuses on simple things, just adding another serving of vegetables, drinking water, walking more, better sleep habits and quitting tobacco use will make for a happier, healthier Tillamook County.
For weekly healthy recipes, tips, resources, wellness challenge, and more, go to tillamookcountyhealthmatters.org or visit your local library branch. Together, we are the solution.
